Royal Rumble 2017 Reax

Read on for my thoughts on last night's WWE special event.
-- Kickoff:
There's a lot of fluff on these, so I'm pretty much going to stick to talking about the matches.

- Alexa/Mickie/Natalya vs. Nikki/Naomi/Becky:
If that's all the Total Divas stuff we get tonight, I'm good.

There is something interesting here as far as who will challenge Alexa next.

Fun bedlam between everyone.

Naomi's impressive!

I like Mickie's aggression. As great as she is as a face, I love her crazy side, too.

OK, yes, we get it, heels don't like Nikki because she's dating Cena. Christ.

This is pretty solid!

Naomi's really fired up. She's got an opportunity to stand out post roster split, and she's taking it.

I love a big chaotic brawl.

Nice win!

- Sheamus/Cesaro vs. Club:
I'm fine with the double refs gimmick.

I like Cesaro when he's in a position to play off someone else, in a team or with a manager.

Wow. Cesaro just got two two counts on this guy within a minute. I thought the Club were a big dominant team before WWE?

Nice teamwork from the heels.

The Club are trying to be interesting here, but they're just not a remarkable team in 2017 WWE because we've seen 10,000 big guy teams here.

I mean, really? Trying to cheat when there are TWO referees?

I'm guessing Cesaro using the Swiss One Nine means we won't see Mysterio tonight.

Uggggggghhhhhhh the big swing. I wish the Vaudevillains or Gallagher did that spot instead; it would fit them better as a comedy spot.

OH GOD NOOOOOOOOOOO. WHHYYYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING?

- THE LUNATIC FRINGE!!!:
Oh man, that was real wacky, Dean!

Gee, what will this guy come up with next?

- Nia vs. Sasha:
I love Nia being dominant. I wouldn't mind her being in the Rumble.

Sasha has a lot of tenacity, but sometimes it's good to listen to the doctors rather than get in the ring with someone this destructive.

Nia targeting that knee.

I like the story of doing everything you can to try to beat someone so much bigger. You can't suplex her and you don't want her getting her hands on you, so use your speed as much as you can!

Pure dominance.

- Rollins banned:
I was hoping he'd Pedigree Shawn to send a message to HHH and Stephanie. Hmmmm.

- HBK:
I'm not really sure what this is for, other than eating up time on a LOOOOONG Kickoff show.

I wonder if this was to see which names the crowd reacted to the best.

Weird to have him on the show, but not in an angle of some kind.

-- Royal Rumble:
- Charlotte vs. Bayley:
Already people are being tossed out of the ring, and we're not even at the main match yet!

NICE rana spot.

Bayley's definitely ready for this level.

Charlotte being conniving and vicious is fun to watch.

Charlotte doesn't want to lose her title again just yet.

This is good.

I love the Figure Eight.

Pretty good submission spot. I like stories told that way.

NICE moonsault counter.

DAMN. That was one hell of a finisher from the champ.

Other than Nia, Charlotte doesn't really have any challengers left. On that note, I really want to see Charlotte vs. Asuka at some point. Both have been built as pretty unstoppable.

- Holy Foley hype:
Oh yayyyyy....

- Owens vs. Roman:
How wild is it we're seeing someone suspended in a cage as a gimmick match in 2017?

Reigns still not loved by Rumble crowds.

Haha I like Jericho not wanting to go into the cage. He's a future Hall of Famer, damn it! This is beneath his dignity!

Y2J isn't a stupid idiot. He's going to help his Best Friend keep the title.

Nice job by Kevin taking advantage of the situation.

Oh yeah I love when a fight spills out all over the place.

WWE probably needed this large of a venue for all those announcers!!

Oh man. I'm ready to see some chairs used.

What in the world is Owens setting up?

That powerbomb spot would have been GNARLY.

Yeah, a suplex into all those chairs would hurt like hell, too.

Honestly, this match needs all the bells and whistles (and chairs and tables) it can get after they've fought so many times.

Ha. So much for that table getting used.

That's why you don't taunt an opponent unless you're sure he's out.

I'm liking this action a lot so far.

DAMN what a frog splash!

This has been a lot of fun.

I'm liking this being a big brawl. This will hopefully end the feud.

HAHAHAHAHAA good work bringing the knuckles, Chris.

That was a great spot with Owens trying the Superman punch.

I would have bought KO winning with the knuckles punch.

OOOOHHH going through a chair like that ALWAYS looks like hell.

I liked Owens' using a rollup when Reigns was trying to set the table up. Pretty clever.

Lots of Superman punching tonight.

STUNNER! STUNNER! BAH GAWD! I'd watch the hell out of Owens vs. Stone Cold, but no way it's ever happening.

There's no way that chair bump will end well.

OH MY GAWWWWWDDDDDDDD what a bump through those chairs. Holy shit.

Get him in the ring and pin him, you idiot! He's probably knocked out from those chairs.

Owens has been destroyed!

Talk about an ace up Owens' sleeve!

Good ending to a really solid match.

- Stephanie/Mick/Bryan/Shane/Sami/Dean:
Ha. A wrestling gimmick being outsmarted? Who would have thought!

Hahahah Stephanie burying Zayn for missing his cue.

I love the idea of wrestlers having to get in line to pick a number from the tumbler. Imagine Brock and Goldberg and Taker putting up with that shit.

OK, yeah, they're definitely messing with Sami at this point.

And with Dean Ambrose's segment, they're messing with the fans. They try too hard to make him wacky.

- Swann vs. Neville:
Oh this is already LIT.

Swann is not taking anything lightly after Neville's already beaten him.

I'm enjoying the new Neville immensely.

Swann's trying new things to beat the guy no one seems to have an answer for.

I like Neville pulling out a submission.

Neville is absolutely vicious. It's good to see variety in the cruiserweight division.

Good GAWD what a superkick from Swann.

Rich's moves are just incredible.

Both men making the most of this opportunity.

NICE counter to the German suplex.

And a REALLY nice superplex.

BOOM. That's how you declare a new champion. Nice work. I can't wait to see what's next for Neville.

- Styles vs. Cena:
How much do you want to bet this doesn't get *****+ from Meltzer no matter how good it is?

Good feeling out for an early advantage.

Cena hitting an AA that early would have been surprising. I like the effort, though.

Nice counter to Cena's signature flurry.

And that's why you don't go for a Styles Clash that early.

I guess AJ can see him.

Nice counter by AJ in the turnuckles.

NICE avoiding the Phenomenal Forearm to hit the AA.

Good sequence to setup the Forearm other than Cena more or less shrugging off the Pele kick.

Cena's a franchise guy for sure. We're looking at an all-time great here.

BIG facebuster from the Electric Chair position. Good God.

I love the Yay/Boo spot.

I loved the calf crusher/STF spot. Good to see more submissions.

LOVED the Figure Four being used. Cena's power beforehand was unreal, too.

NNNIIIIIIIICE Styles Clash spot.

The Cenation Destroyer!! John's a one-in-a-million competitor.

This is just incredible.

Not sure what Cena was trying to pull out there, but sometimes he tries too hard to be innovative. I guess because "smart" fans have been taught cool moves = ***** and he's still trying to win them over.

I would have bought the Super AA ending it.

WWWHHHHHOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAA. That was one hell of an ending. Cena earned that one, and AJ put forth one hell of an effort. So, cue a lot of complaints about AJ being "buried" and such.

- Royal Rumble match:
-- Nos. 1 and 2:
What makes Jericho so valuable is the company can plug him into pretty much any role. WWE knows they can rely on him to have a long match with a lot of different variables and opponents. He's absolutely HoF worthy whenever he does hang up the boots.

-- No. 3:
Yeah, no hope for Kalisto. Just filling bodies at this point for someone like Show to destroy.

-- No. 4:
I like Mojo. Check out all the NXT alumni in action tonight!

Jericho passing a big record. WWE MVP sometimes.

-- No. 5:
So there's your answer about whether 205 Live names are eligible. Imagine the Cruiserweight Championship headlining Wrestlemania!

That umbrella comes in handy!

Yeah, Jericho, be careful out there. You've got a long match if you're going to prevail.

 I love this match. Just people fighting everyone.

-- No. 6: 
Mark's kind of a special guest at this point. He only worked nine matches in the last six months.

DUDE. One hell of a spot with Gallagher. That was impressive.

Damn, Jack. You should have stayed outside when you had the chance. Fun use of the umbrella, though.

-- No. 7:
OOOOHHHHH man. I think this guy's going to have a big night.

I like there being some fodder for the Monster Among Men.

Cass vs. Braun could be pretty fun.

I liked Braun just bodying everyone at once using Kalisto.

Oh, I really want to see Braun vs. Mark.

MAN. That's a big showing from Strowman.

Haha I don't blame you, Jericho!

-- No. 8:
Poor Sami. I would have stayed in the back.


Sami's putting up a fight, though!

Braun vs. Sami is always fun.

-- No. 9:
Uggggggghhhhhhh. Every year. It's going on every year.

DAMN. Braun is going on a TEAR!!!

-- No. 10:
They pretty much had to do that one. Nice to see Tye get his due. He's been a good soldier for a while now.

He's getting right to work against the giant monster.

-- No. 11:
Ehhhhhh.

Hahaha. Yeah. He's been burned before by working with Strowman. It's going to be tough to eliminate Braun.

Strowman's not going down without a fight. He's done some real damage here.

Ellsworth is like NOPE. What happens if he never gets in the ring?

-- No. 12:
It's our favorite wacky comedian!

Ambrose just increased his odds by helping James get eliminated. Maybe he's not so crazy after all.

This is pretty enjoyable. Ambrose might be able to pose a threat to Strowman.

-- No. 13:
Oh yeah. I'm ready to see what Baron can do here.

They're going to need to call in an army to beat Strowman. Or Brock, Taker, or Goldberg.

Strowman's a tank!

Well they finally got him out! Now how are they going to deal with Brock and Goldberg?

There can only be one winner! Sami's smart to not keep an alliance for long.

-- No. 14:
All really enjoyable.

Jericho enjoying his freedom after the shark cage incident.

Well, I didn't see that big Corbin spot coming. I hope he gets a push going forward.

-- No. 15:
Still no wacky blast from the past? I was hoping to see Gobbledy Gooker or someone.

The A-lister already making Sami famous.

The fresh former WWE Champion has a strategy, and he's playing it to the fullest.

Corbin's got a decent chance here.

Kofi's very cat-like, huh?

-- No. 16:
Oh, no. This means we're going to see Cesaro, too.

Another guy going on a tear.

This remains extraordinarily fun.

-- No. 17:
I'm guessing Brock eliminates all three New Day members.

-- No. 18:
Ahhhhh I love Rusev.

He's not letting the broken nose stop him!

Good chaos here.

-- No. 19:
Brock sonning Cesaro will be fun.

The swing sucks. Send this guy back to ROH.

Uggggggggghhhhhhhh. Enough is enough.

THANK YOU RUSEV!!

Interesting that Sheamus saved his partner. I'm surprised.

-- No. 20:
Lots of New Day tonight.

That teamwork's going to be needed as Brock, Taker, and Goldberg enter. Wherever the heck they are. What does it say that they're all showing up late to do a few spots then bow out? HHH did the same thing last year.

-- No. 21:
I'm ready for some Wyatt dominance.

I hope Bray does become champion soon. That's the main upside of having Cena as champion; someone else can become the top heel. I love AJ, but I want to see Wyatt shine, too.

-- No. 22:
I'm shocked at the lack of a random veteran. And really shocked at no Samoa Joe.

I like Apollo, but he's spinning his tires big time.

Wow. Didn't see New Day going out like that.

NIIICCEEEE eliminations by Jericho. He's one of the best utility players WWE's ever had.

-- No. 23:
BAH GAWD BUSINESS HAS JUST PICKED UP!!

This is a lot of fun.

Corbin could really get a rub working with The Viper.

OH SHIIIIIITTTTTTT what an RKO to Sami.

Nice job helping Bray. I'd pop for Erick Rowan helping Bray win.

-- No. 24:
BOOOOOOOOOO. Go ahead and throw him out.

Funny to see Miz and Ziggler together given how many times they've faced off.

Hahahahaa nice turnabout by Ziggler.

Yeah, I'm ready for Goldberg, too. I've seen these guys face off on Smackdown a LOT.

-- No. 25:
I'm liking the tension here.

FACE TURN!!!! I hope we get Luke in a big singles role now.

REALLY nice counter to Luke's Sister Abigail.

-- No. 26:
OOOHHHHHH YEAH. Now shit's really picking up.

God what a monster.

I could just watch Brock destroy the whole roster, really.

Ha. Brock not even trying for an elimination when it might be Goldberg next.

-- No. 27:
Ohhhhhh man. Not a good place to be in, Enzo.

Ha. He's not backing down!

Well, Enzo, you tried.

-- No. 28:
Oh this is going to be big. 

Goldberg taking his time.

Talk about someone having Brock's number! Lesnar just got SONNED!

And now Goldberg's going to take care of everyone else.

The remaining Wyatts have the work cut out for them combating Goldberg. He could be unstoppable.

-- No. 29:
OH SHIT. OH SHIT. OH SHIT. I never thought I'd see Taker vs. Goldberg. That was a good entrance, though. Show up and take out the biggest remaining threat.

I would so watch Taker vs. Goldberg. Fastlane?

Taker taking no prisoners.

-- No. 30:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA take that, people who wanted Kenny Omega.

Oh man. Reigns vs. Taker would be something. It wouldn't be Cena vs. Taker, but it could still be memorable. People will definitely be talking about it.

Taker taking care of business.

Jericho's made it a long way, but is he going to make it all the way!?

OOOOHHHHH. Taker just learned who THE BIG DOG is. Time to pass the torch, Deadman!

Welp. Jericho had a good run.

Oh, what if Jericho helps one of the Wyatts win??

Roman's going to overcome the odds again!

Big beatdown on the former Wrestlemania headliner.

Ha. Roman's going to be a big deal whether you want it or not!

Oh now things get interesting. Do they do Cena vs. Orton in a clash of rivals, or do they have something else up their sleeves? I'd totally watch Bray vs. Orton for the title.

More wrestling coming up.