WWE Royal Rumble Reax

Read on for my thoughts on last night's WWE PPV.

Kickoff:
The "By The Numbers" video is a great sell for the Rumble. WWE is great at those kinds of things.

They've got to have at least one NXT name in the Rumble in Orlando?

Way to bury Kalisto, guys. If Del Rio wins, all he does is beat a mosquito. If he loses, he's not even good enough to be a mosquito.

Lawler is absolutely terrible. He could be giving so many valuable insights, but he just makes terrible jokes. 

Owens heeling Jojo is great. He could be one of only three people in WWE history to be IC Champion and WWE Champion at the same time. He'd join Warrior and Triple H with that distinction.

Booker and Lawler basically no-sold Owens' heeling there. Graves supporting it makes sense given his own heel sensibilities. Booker and Lawler should be calling Owens a disrespectful punk, sticking up for Jojo. Not because women can't stand up for themselves or anything, but because she's not a wrestler and doesn't deserve to be mistreated. It's little things like that that aren't so little and hurt the business. If it's all just a show and we shouldn't be mad at the heels, it hurts their power as villainous characters putting the faces in danger.

Damn, Darren doesn't even get entrance music. Funny interaction with Sandow, though. I wish we got to see the Intellectual Savior of the Masses more.

- Dudleys vs. Ascension vs. Henry/Swagger vs. Young/Sandow:
Huh... Darren's not even wearing PTP gear anymore. He might want to see if the Social Outcasts will take a fifth member at this rate.

I can't wait for E&C's show.

I'm glad Austin's doing podcasts again.

You know Vince had a lot of fun voicing that show.

I know it's probably still seen as a demotion, but I'd love to see Darren and Sandow work in NXT. They could probably do good things. They've got main roster experience and could do more with their characters. Heck, at least make Main Event or Superstars into something like the ECW brand or NXT:Redemption where the undercard guys get to develop things instead of just being thrown into matches.

I was hoping the Dudleys would win there...

Oh, man. That ending was rough. I wish the Dudleys would get the nod, since they've never been in the Rumble as a team.

I expected Henry to sucker Swagger in for the WSS.

Hey look, it's the Tough Enough winner's favorite team!

Bless you, Social Outcasts. I love a fun lower-level faction. WWE has so many people who could contribute more if given mic/screen time. Even if it's Main Event or Superstars!

On an unrelated note, those "statue" graphics for the Rumble are dope af. Well done.

They've got to be careful with Becky tonight. I think she could be their next Lita if they present her as someone who could be champion.

Royal Rumble:
I'm going to miss Vince as an on-screen character.

Is Vince's driver going to park the limo? Other people need to use that parking lot. Also, what does it say that they arrived at the arena right as the show started? The wrestlers, referees, commentators, etc. were there for hours before their bosses!!

- Ambrose vs. KO:
I'm glad they didn't start with armdrags. This should be a fight.

It looked like Owens deliberately messed with Cole when he got thrown over the announce table. It was hilarious.

How cool is it the former Jon Moxley and Kevin Steen are having a big gimmick match for WWE?

I was really hoping Owens would use the box of Gatorade as a weapon...

JBL putting over Dory, Sr. vs. Mike DiBiase was good. I wish we got more of that from veteran commentators.

Owens is a lot of fun to watch. He's just a total dick.

There's a reason suicide dives are high-risk.

DAMNIT OWENS THE GATORADE'S RIGHT THERE!!!

We hardcore now.

Chekhov's Gun says they've got to use those stacked tables now.

That Pop-up Powerbomb can be brutal.

A moonsault through the chairs would be absolutely crazy!

Chekhov is pleased. That's one hell of a bump.

I hope they trolled Eva Marie with her being in the Fastlane ad. I don't even know if she's ready to be on the next NXT special.

BASED NEW DAY!!!!!!

I wish more acts got to do for their characters what these three have done for their characters. They feel like they're from 2016 instead of trying to hold on to being cool in the days when the Backstreet Boys were a thing. Face Chris Jericho is the Beanie Babies of WWE.

- Usos vs. New Day:
NICE for Xavier to deny the crowd playing Francesca II. He's the heel, remember.

I really like the Usos, but there's no topping New Day.

I'm pleasantly surprised they're referencing Umaga.

GOOD GAWD WHAT A SPEAR!! Big E's got a future.

This is some pretty good wrestling overall.

Man, Kofi just BARELY saved that one.

NNNIIIIIIICCCCCEEEEEE ending. Keep an eye on Big E for the future.

New Day's dance is one of my favorite things in wrestling right now.

I'd be behind Bray winning the title.

God I love the Wyatts. They stand out among the more vanilla characters in wrestling.

They beat Kalisto like a damn government mule.

- Del Rio vs. Kalisto:
You know there's someone out there upset two Latinos are competing for the U.S. Title.

Two great athletes here who can tell a story.

I'm surprised at the Rey Mysterio mentions, too.

OH MY GOD that head-scissors reversal was nasty.

Del Rio wore a mask in Mexico, interestingly enough, before coming to WWE.

Kalisto can do some incredible stuff.

Kalisto just won't stay down!!

You'd think they'd do more to keep those turnbuckles secured...

BAH GAWD KID MAKE YOURSELF FAMOUS!!

I think we're in for Brock being eliminated because he's focused too much on the Wyatts.

The Shockmaster, Funaki, puppets, AND the Godfather? I can't wait for that show.

- Charlotte vs. Becky:
I'm so happy the Bellas aren't in this match. I don't wish injury on them or anything. I'm just tired of seeing them in big roles.

Good straight-up wrestling.

I definitely see shades of Ric Flair in Charlotte.

Oh, Nature Boy. Casually sexually assaulting a Diva.

Some REALLY classic references from JBL, that are probably lost on a lot of fans.

Becky giving it her all here. I REALLY, REALLY hope she doesn't get stuck with the "Creative has nothing for you" card. I don't think I'd mind her being Finn Balor's valet if she still wrestles a lot.

I love a good submission spot.

Part of me would have been behind Becky winning with that rollup, but we need Charlotte vs. Sasha for Mania. Although... a triple threat could be good, too.

I really hope Becky gets revenge on Ric on Raw.

I'd mark like no one's business if Ricky Steamboat came out at Mania to counter Ric in the Divas' Title match.

SHE'S BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!

Dang, everyone's just sticking it to poor Becky.

Thank God Sasha's out here without Naomi and Tamina. She's good enough to be in the picture by herself.

- Rumble match:
This might be the biggest odds any WWE Champion has ever faced. That's probably true from a numerical perspective.

Oh, man. Roman's already getting big boos. He's got his work cut out for him. I like Roman for the most part, but there are some odds a mortal man shouldn't be able to overcome.

How hard does this crowd explode if Brock is No. 2?

NO. 2:
Hey, Lana's back!!!

Good night, Rusev.

Roman is pretty cool when doesn't have cringeworthy promos. He can kick some ass.

NO. 3:
Good God how cool is this? And JBL and Cole are actually putting him over!!

Welcome to the big stage, AJ!!!

NO. 4:
Remember when Breeze was going to be somebody on the main roster?

I kind of want to see Styles vs. Breeze at WM32, honestly. Not because Styles isn't good enough to be higher up on the card or anything, but I think it'd be a good feud.NO.

I'm so glad we're seeing AJ in a prominent role in WWE. This is unreal.

NO. 5:
God I love the Outcasts AND THE RUMBLE!!

Roman vs. AJ has been pretty cool and fun so far.

NO. 6:
Ugh... Jericho.

And how cool of a staredown is this? Three very different roads to this Rumble match.

Actually, Styles vs. Jericho at WM32 would be pretty cool as well. Chris would definitely be able to get him adjusted to WWE.

NO. 7:
Uggggggghhhhhh.... Kane. Was Road Dogg busy?

Roman's really learning why to not mess with the McMahons.

NO. 8:
Goldust is pretty cool. That's some scary facepaint.

NO. 9:
I'm kind of turning around on Ryback. KIND OF. He's working hard to be less one-dimensional.

NO. 10:
You've got to be careful going to the top rope in a Rumble match, Styles.

NO. 11, 12:
R-Truth thinking this is MITB is actually kind of funny.

Booooooooo Kane.

NO! Keep the ladder in there! That could be a lot of fun!

I was hoping Kofi would use the ladder to get back in the ring, but the unicorn dance is fun, too.

NO. 13:
Why not run the LoN into the ring and have them eliminate Roman? This might make it harder to throw him over as dead weight.

I like Roman, but these odds, bro. He's not Superman.

NO. 14:
Stardust is in his eighth Rumble!? Time has really flown.

lel. Roman's just going to hang out at ringside while people get eliminated.

NO. 15:
That complete lack of reaction for Big Show.

I guess we're not in for a Jerishow reunion.

NO. 16:
Neville's a joy to watch.

Neville vs. Jericho at Mania could work.

Damn you, Jericho, for eliminating Kofi.

I'm a little surprised Vince isn't forcing Reigns back into the ring.

NO. 17:
NICE elimination by Strowman. All hail your new mastadon.

Take out Big Show next!!

PHEW.

Dear God don't tease Big Show winning next year.

NO. 18:
I'm ready for someone to go to Suplex City, but even a battered KO is good to see.

Good selling by Owens.

Owens vs. Styles, Maggle!! This is cool.

HAHAHAHAHA nice elimination by KO.

NO. 19:
Just look at the talents who have been in this match this year. Wow.

What happens if Roman doesn't come back? Does he get counted out when everyone else's number has been called and there's just one person in the ring? Maybe the doctors make the call about what his fate is.

NO. 20:
OHH SHIT! IT'S HIM!!!!!

Zayn and Owens! In the Royal Rumble!!! It's real!

Zayn vs. Owens at Fast Lane and/or Mania, PLEASE!!!!

NO. 21:
Bray's got a good chance to win this one if he can stay out of Suplex City.

Good stuff with the Family working together to eliminate people.

Strowman's just an out-and-out monster. I like it.

NO. 22:
Mehhhhhhh.

Henry vs. the Wyatt monsters is pretty cool.

Talk about a lamb being led to the slaughter. Yikes.

Welp, so much for the WWE Title coming to NXT.

NO. 23:
OOOOOOOHHHHH SSSSSSSHHHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT.

NO. 24:
I didn't realize I wanted to see Brock vs. Swagger until now.

Damn, Jack. What would Zeb Colter say?

Brock is like a lion let loose in the Colosseum.

NO. 25:
Miz doesn't want none of Brock.

Miz is an enjoyable trash-talker, as a heel.

NO. 26:
I'm surprised at the lack of crazy surprise entrants this year. I wanted to see EEEEEEEVILLLLL Taka Michinoku or something.

Actually, Cole and Saxton have been in the ring...

WHOA. I expected Bray and Strowman to take Lesnar out of the match. There's still time, I guess.

NO. 27:
Bray is devious and deceptive. I like it.

NO. 28:
Heart Break Zig tuning up the band.

NO. 29:
So, number 30's going to be Haitch or someone, right?

LOOK WHO'S BACK!!! Don't count him out.

Ziggler almost became the IWC's favorite wrestler again.

Oh, quiet down. Reigns sold the LoN beatdown/table bump for half an hour.

NO. 30:
Oh, thank you based Shovel Man.

You know Haitch has wanted to Pedigree Ziggler for a long time.

What if Ziggler ends up winning this?

Chris has still got some great stamina. He's had a long night.

Nice sequence between HHH and Ziggler.

What if it comes down to Sheamus vs. HHH?

THANK YOU AMBROSE!!!!!

I really hope they don't turn Ambrose heel here. I don't think they will, but still.

That's how you play the game, Roman.

The former Jon Moxley is taking on HHH for the WWE Title. This is unreal.

GOOD GAWD THE GAME'S HANGIN' ON BY A THREAD!!

I'm more than OK with this. Let the "smarks" bitch. He'll only be champion for a few months.

More wrestling coming up.