Kickoff:
- Dudleys vs. Dragons:
As much as I enjoy the luchadores, the former Team 3D needs a win. They can't just rely on their past credibility at this point, especially for the newer/younger fans who weren't around when the Dudleys were last in WWE. It can't be assumed those fans watched TNA or have watched the duo on the WWE Network. So, Bubba and D-Von win to show they've still got it (*clap* *clap* *clap, clap, clap*) and aren't just "those guys who talk about tables." The feud can continue with the veterans bullying the smaller newcomers.
- Breezango vs. Golden Truth:
I'd like for both teams to continue after the brand split. Breeze and Fandango should get the chance to make the most out of this pairing as a fun undercard act like Slater Gator, 3MB, or the Outcasts. Goldust and Truth are valuable veterans who can elevate teams like The Vaudevillains and eventually The Revival (and maybe Blake and Murphy?). Golden Truth beat the cocky upstarts with their crafty veteran instincts.
Also on the Kickoff show, Apollo hangs out with Zack Ryder and Jack Swagger, who are playing with their Mattel brand TMNT action figures and discussing the new movie now out in theaters! The Ascension stop by and, after initially scowling, admit they love TMNT as well. Ideally, it's played off where the big, scary Ascension have a soft side. As they discuss all things TMNT, Sheamus drops in and tells them they look stupid. He ruins their playtime and puts himself over as the star of the movie before telling Crews he'll see him in the ring (fella). Chekhov's gun is thus loaded.
MITB:
- Corbin vs. Ziggler:
I like Corbin, but this feud is stalling. This match should showcase what both men can do. Dolph surprises Baron with a Zig Zag to win and try to get his career back on track. He's a former World Champion, damn it! He goes after U.S. gold next while Corbin challenges Crews in a feud that should put both men on the map.
- Crews vs. Sheamus:
This match could fit in nicely late in the night between two more serious encounters to break things up. I think the ideal card has a pinch of sports entertainment along with all the hard-hitting feuds. Anyway, Crews shows he's a game competitor and frustrates Sheamus. Sheamus eventually gets him ready for a Brogue Kick, but is interrupted by Zack Ryder's music. Ryder, Swagger, and The Ascension (unfortunately the Outcasts are unavailable for this show) come out dressed as the TMNT. Ryder introduces Sheamus to Leonardbro, Donatellbro, Michelangelbro, and Raphaelski, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Broskis. Woo woo woo, cowabunga! As they walk to the ring, Apollo surprises Sheamus for the win. Sheamus makes the TMNB pay for costing him the match in the weeks to come. The end result of all this is promoting the movie and Mattel, giving Apollo a rub, and protecting Sheamus in defeat. After he beats the TMNB, part of me really wants to see Big Show show up as "Big Shredder" to give Sheamus hell and set up a match at Battleground. They did have Show talk to Apollo about Sheamus earlier in the feud. Or, Sheamus can retire Mark Henry at Battleground. Or he can just face Titus.
- Rusev vs. Titus:
Nothing special to this one, booking-wise. Titus puts up a fight, but loses. I like Cesaro as the next U.S. Champion, but Rusev vs. Ziggler is first.
- Charlotte/Dana vs. Natalya/Becky:
Charlotte and Dana win. Charlotte moves on to make Paige her next victim. After Battleground, the NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAITCHURE BOY returns alongside Sasha Banks (imagine THAT pairing) to set up Charlotte vs. Sasha at Summerslam. If Stephanie truly wants to promote women's wrestling, she'll let that match happen at the big stage and save her own match with Charlotte for September or October to coincide with her memoir releasing. Sasha's the one who needs to be presented as a star going forward, not the authority figure.
- New Day vs. Enzo/Cass vs. Vaudevillains vs. Club:
Might as well have The Club win and be champions on both brands (at least initially). It needs to matter that WWE has them now instead of TNA or NJPW. Club vs. New Day while Enzo/Cass and the Usos have a number one contenders feud. Neither side turns heel; it's all about competition and all that stuff.
- AJ vs. Cena:
Cena's the franchise WWE Champion who's been out injured for half a year, while AJ is the rookie redneck with the bad haircut. Cena wins (lol) in about 12-14 minutes after taking out Gallows and Anderson with AAs. DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN. DUN DUN DUN DUNNNN.
Just kidding. These two have a classic. Styles gets the win. They can do something like Cena's foot being under the rope if they absolutely have to. Cena asks for a rematch at Battleground. The Club jumps him and Finn Balor's music plays with a teaser of him coming soon. They can play up the whole "will he join his former teammates" thing. How about Shane books AJ/Cena II and Stephanie bans Anderson and Gallows from ringside? The Club wonders if Balor will make his presence known in that match, and if he's with AJ or against him. WWE should absolutely play up AJ replacing Finn as Club leader in Japan.
- MITB match:
LOOKIT! LOOKIT! DEL RIO'S GOT HIS HANDS ON THE BRIEFCASE!
HE'S THE PRIDE A MEXICO MAGGLE!
HE'S THE PRIDE A MEXICO MAGGLE!
*DEA-*
IT'S THE WAHATT FAMILY MAGGLE!
OH MY THEY'RE TOPPLING DEL RIO OVER THE LADDER! HE'S GOING TO CRASH RIGHT ONTO THE OTHER SUPERSTARS!
AH WISH THEY'D THROW BAHRON OFFA LADDER TOO.
AND NOW... ROWAN AND STROWMAN HAVE THE BRIEFCASE! THEY'RE HANDING IT TO BRAY WYATT! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN JOHN?
THIS IS HAHWAY RAHBBERY MAGGLE!
THIS IS HAHWAY RAHBBERY MAGGLE!
BRAY WYATT! WALKING OUT OF MONEY IN THE BANK! WITH THE BRIEFCASE!
Shane and Stephanie eventually decide the Wyatts will defend the briefcase at Battleground against the winning team of a six-man tag of MITB participants.
Y2J/Owens/Del Rio beat Zayn/Ambrose/Cesaro to "advance" to Battleground. If the Wyatts win, Bray's Mr. MITB. If one of the opponents win, that person becomes Mr. MITB. We also get Miz vs. Ambrose for the IC Title (Ambrose has been in a WWE movie, too!) while Zayn and Cesaro go against the Vaudevillains.
- Roman vs. Rollins:
ROMAN WITH THE SPEAR! BUT ROLLINS IS TOO CLOSE TO THE ROPES FOR THE CHAMP TO CAPITALIZE!
ROLLINS IS UP! REIGNS SETTING UP FOR ANOTHER SPEAR! NO! PEDIGREE! BOTH MEN DOWN IN THE CENTER OF THE RING!
*I HEAR VOICES IN MY HEAD THEY COUNSEL ME THEY UNDERSTAND THEY TALK TO ME*
WHAT!???
THAT'S RANDY ORTON!
WE HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN MONTHS, MAGGLE!
WHAT'S HE DOING HERE?
AH HOPE HE'S COMIN OUT HERE TO REPLACE BAHRON.
RANDY IN THE CENTER OF THE RING. AND AN RKO TO ROMAN!
WHAT!??
THAT WAS A THANGA BEAUTY.
AND ANOTHER ONE TO SETH ROLLINS!
AH HOPE YOU'RE NEXT BAHRON.
RANDY ORTON! SENDING A MESSAGE HERE AT MONEY IN THE BANK!
Naturally both Rollins and Roman are upset at this turn of events. Orton correctly points out Rollins lost the match, so Orton decides he should get the next shot at the title. After the McMahons get involved, we eventually end up with a triple threat at Battleground.
More wrestling coming up.
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