Read on for how I'd book tonight's Elimination Chamber PPV. Note that these are not predictions, but what I would do if I had creative control over the product.
Pre-show: This match needs some back story so it isn't just two teams fighting. It adds some spice to things. So, Brodus and Tensai come out first. Brodus takes the mic and does the general crowd warm-up routine "How's everyone tonight? Y'all ready to get FUNKY?" That kind of thing. He introduces himself and Tensai as the Monsters of Funk, unless they've come up with a better name (Brodus mentioned that name on Twitter, so it's semi-official in my book). Brodus is just about to dance when Team Rhodes Scholars' music hits. Personally I think their music should begin with the "Hallelujah" stuff from Sandow's theme, then go into Rhodes' first theme song. But that's me. At any rate, they cut a promo about how they're making their triumphant return to the tag team division to save it from such buffoonery, etc..
The match features the standard "2 on 1" tactics of cutting off the ring, preventing Tensai from tagging in, double teams, etc.. Tensai finally gets the tag and cleans house as the fresh man. He biels Sandow out of the ring, then hits a Baldo Bomb on Rhodes. Rhodes is in position for a big splash from Brodus, but Sandow rolls him out of the ring. Sandow grabs a mic and says that the referee should have disqualified Brodus and Tensai for both men being in the ring at the same time for longer than a count of 5, and that Rhodes Scholars are the victors under the accepted rules of the match. They leave and are counted out. Brodus and Tensai dance with the Little Jimmies. Both teams should be a part of Tag Team Turmoil at WrestleMania, where every active WWE team will try to become Tag Team Champions.
Kaitlyn vs. Tamina could also use some heat. On the pre-show, Matt Striker interviews Layla about who she thinks will win the Divas' Title match (since Tamina beat her on Smackdown). Before Layla can answer, Tamina comes into the picture and answers for her (that she'll be the new Divas' Champion). Layla states that this is her interview time, and a fight erupts. Tamina gets vicious and gets the upper hand, promising that that's just a taste for what Kaitlyn's going to face.
It's no secret that the Divas' division could use some re-working. Let's build a credible challenger for the champion. Kaitlyn brings it to Tamina, but she's bigger and stronger. The finish is Tamina going for the Samoan Drop and Kaitlyn turning it into a crucifix pin (or sunset flip) for the win. Tamina's understandably upset at this, and wants a rematch. Maybe we do Tamina and Vickie vs. Layla and Kaitlyn at WrestleMania since it's become tradition to involve a non-wrestler? They could definitely play into something between Vickie and Kaitlyn. Just a thought. I think I'd rather see a triple threat between three top workers to reignite the division, but adding Vickie to the mix would add more attention to the match and storyline. The division needs some love and attention right now and that just might be what's needed.
If you need a bonus match on the show, have Matt Striker interview Yoshi Tatsu about being knocked out by Big Show, with Tatsu calling it an injustice. Wade Barrett walks by and says that the only injustice is him (Barrett) not being on the show. Yoshi challenges him for the title, and Barrett accepts. Barrett wins via Bull Hammer and is talked up in impressive fashion.
The Miz vs. Antonio Cesaro should be treated as a big deal, with a prestigious championship on the line. Miz is doing this for Ric Flair and for America. He pulls out some Flair chops and chop blocks to the knee to drive this point home. Both guys are shown to have "game". The finish comes when Miz gets Cesaro in the Figure Four, Cesaro reverses and grabs the ropes. The referee is focused on Miz and doesn't see it. Miz is in extreme agony and though he puts up a fight, he eventually taps as he has nowhere to go. This is portrayed as dirty and underhanded for Cesaro to do and Miz is given credit for lasting so long in an extremely painful hold. Miz feels like he lost his honor by losing like that. Flair continues to mold Miz in his image, as I definitely think Miz would be believable as a ladies' man/partier. I'm not saying to give Miz Flair's gimmick, just to have them hanging out and the like. I think I'd eventually bring back Alex Riley as Miz's protege now that he's had a change of heart. I'd certainly rather see him get TV time than Bo Dallas. WWE has some talented stars who are willing to work hard. They just need to use them.
Del Rio vs. Big Show is not difficult for me to book at all. Strong win for Del Rio. Both guys bring their "A" game but Del Rio is younger, faster, and more technically adept, so he beats the aging giant. I respect what Show brings to the table, but it's really time to use him to pass the torch, especially to someone as talented as Del Rio. You can have Ricardo get some shots in, too. Del Rio's goal is to bring honor to the title.
While I'm personally a big fan of The Shield for adding something fresh to the table, I think the faces need to look strong going into WrestleMania. I'd have the other Shield victims (minus Orton, who should be preparing for the Elimination Chamber match) surround the ring to make sure that The Shield doesn't use any weapons or anything. This makes it harder for the Shield to focus on their opponents, and that's their downfall. Faces win. Sorry Shield fans. They can go back to cracking heads on Monday and vowing revenge. I'd have them win the Tag Team Title at WrestleMania and hold it via Freebird rule.
The Elimination Chamber's a little tricky, but here's my idea: Kane and Randy Orton are fighting before Mark Henry has been released from his pod. Orton has Kane down, and is getting ready for the RKO. He pauses to talk trash to Henry, who threatens to break out of his pod. Orton motions for him to bring it, allowing Kane to recover. Orton walks right into a chokeslam and is eliminated. He goes ballistic, bringing a chair in the ring and laying into Kane, specifically targeting his arm. We're talking Sheamus vs. Show levels of brutality with a chair. Once he's finally taken away by the refs, Daniel Bryan's pod opens. He pauses for a little bit to debate what to do, then decides to go for the No Lock. Kane fights back, but ultimately taps. Big moment for Bryan. He gains a lot of pride for this and rubs it in Kane's face, leading to them splitting up and refusing to defend their titles (hence the Turmoil match at Mania to crown new champions). Chris Jericho goes after Mark Henry, who does some serious damage to him (making use of his environment). Jericho loses after a World's Strongest Slam, a top rope headbutt by Daniel Bryan, and finally an ankle lock by Swagger where he grapevines the leg and Jericho has nowhere to go. No rope breaks in a no-DQ match! This leads to Jericho vs. Swagger at Mania, with Zeb Coulter blasting Jericho's Canadian background. Finally Swagger and Bryan try their damnedest to beat Mark Henry but he gets the win and goes on to WrestleMania.
Finally, The Rock retains against C.M. Punk. Punk kicks out of at least one Rock Bottom and maybe a People's Elbow, too. Punk looks STRONG is the point here. You can even have Heyman put his foot on the rope and Rock take it off when he gets the deciding 3-count so Punk can say he was screwed again.
Mania card:
The Rock vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship
C.M. Punk vs. The Undertaker (If Taker's available. If not, Punk's in the WWE Title match)
Tag Team Turmoil for the WWE Tag Team Championship
Alberto Del Rio vs. Mark Henry for the World Heavyweight Championship
Tamina and Vickie Guerrero vs. Kaitlyn and Layla
Chris Jericho vs. Jack Swagger
Kane vs. Daniel Bryan
Dolph Ziggler and Big E Langston vs. New Age Outlaws
Ryback vs. Big Show
Antonio Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston for the United States Championship
Wade Barrett vs. The Miz for the Intercontinental Championship
I'll be back tomorrow for a blog and podcast on how things actually went down. Feel free to comment or Tweet me @CLoyRamblings.
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