Tonight's another PPV from WWE, and for a so-called "B show" it's pretty packed. Read on for how I'd book C.M. Punk vs. Triple H, Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena, Randy Orton vs. Mark Henry, and the rest of the card.
Firstly, my general rule is for 8 matches or segments on a show. Since I don't picture Kelly vs. Beth going all that long, for instance, I think we can play it on the safe side and add one. Plus, this particular idea is designed to warm the crowd up beyond a standard last-minute dark match.
Note: Everything that follows is paraphrased; they wouldn't have to use the exact words as long as the point was the same.
After the opening Night of Champions videos, the cameras go to Zack Ryder in the ring with his Internet Championship. The music that begins his YouTube show plays.
"Welcome everyone to a special edition of Z! True Long Island Story. I'm your host, the Internet Champion, Long Island Iced Z, Zack Ryder! I figured that since tonight is Night of Champions, all my broskis in the Zack Pack should get a chance to see the longest-reigning champion in the company. Ever since I started my YouTube show, I've gotten over four million hits on my channel. And it's all because of you guys! I'm kind of like the online version of the New York Yankees, because just like the Bronx Broskis are going to the kings of baseball this October (November?), Zack Ryder is the King of the Internet. Woo Woo Woo... you know it."
He's interrupted by the music of NXT rookie Derrick Bateman, accompanied to the ring by Maxine. "Did I just hear you right? Did you just call yourself the King of the Internet? All that hair gel must have gotten into your brain or something. You see, I'm on a show called NXT: Redemption, which means that every Tuesday on WWE.com, me and my girl Maxine show that we belong on top. Not only am I going to win this season of NXT Redemption, but I'm going to beat you for the Internet Championship."
Ryder takes this all in for a second before responding simply, "Are you serious, bro?"
Bateman's not amused by this. "It's all fun and games with you, isn't it? I get it. The real reason you don't want me to face you for the Internet Championship is because you'll end up losing. Just like all these losers in Buffalo, New York."
Titus O'Neil's music (from his tag team with Percy; not Hornswoggle's) hits and he comes to the ring. "First off, *dog barking noises*." "Secondly, Zack, I have to apologize for Mr. Bateman here. He's a little bit delusional. How can he be the King of the Internet when I pinned him this past week on NXT?"
This causes Bateman to get hot, and the the two rookies argue. Cue the music of Darren Young. "Hold up, hold up. Stop right there. It looks like, once again, everyone's overlooking the crown jewel of NXT. If there's ANYONE who's going to win that competition, and the Internet Championship, it's Mr. No Days Off, D. Young!"
Theodore Long then comes out to try to restore order. "Now wait just a minute, playas. It seems like the four of you have some issues to work out. And, since Triple H is backstage getting ready for his match with C.M. Punk, that puts me in charge right now. So, let's get a referee out here, because we're about to have ourselves a tag team match. It'll be Derrick Bateman and Darren Young facing off with Titus O'Neil and the Internet Champion, Zack Ryder! Holla holla holla!"
Then Teddy dances up on the entrance stage as a referee comes down and starts the match. Bateman pins O'Neil after interference by Maxine. This is done when Young cheap shots Ryder on the apron, then escapes while Ryder tries to get past the ref in the ring. Maxine gets in the ring, distracting Titus so he can eat whatever Bateman calls his finisher (Bateman tags himself in on Young). The point is to get people to watch NXT. If they want to get it back on TV in the States, it'd help if they made people care about it.
Anyway, as for the other matches:
Beth Phoenix does some serious damage to Kelly in her match, hitting her up against the ringpost or something in away that causes the referees to check on her to see if she's injured. They try to beg Beth off, but she gives her a Glam Slam anyway. The refs refuse to count the pinfall or give her the title. No contest. Rematch at Hell in A Cell (since for some reason that's only 2 weeks from now).
Air Boom brings their A-game, and their speed frustrates the challengers. They retaliate by busting both men in the heads with water bottles for a DQ. Kingston and Bourne demand a rematch to avenge this, even though they retained. Since their opponents screwed the fans out of a good match and the like. They also face off at HIAC.
Dolph Ziggler chokes out John Morrison by applying a sleeper hold while sitting on the top turnbuckle. The referee counts to 5 and he's DQ'd as Riley fights Swagger at ringside. Ziggler doesn't see the big deal about the ending, since he left as Champion. Riley's more than a little upset at this attitude, and Swagger also feels robbed. Morrison's kept off TV until he (hopefully) re-signs with the company, due to a "bruised trachea" or something. Riley beats Swagger in a #1 Contender's match on Raw due to Ziggler's interference. Ziggler mocks the submission expert (Swagger) for not being able to get the job done like he did at NoC.Vickie uses her influence to get her new client (Swagger) a spot in what becomes a 3-Way at Hell in A Cell.
Rhodes beats DiBiase with a (completely legal!) mask shot to the head. We get some big promos from both men playing off of their history, leading to Round 2 at HIAC. At the following PPV, the feud goes to a match where the mask is banned.
Alberto Del Rio retains after doing some sort of lucha move that puts him near the ropes. He wins by pinning Cena with his feet on the ropes, and Ricardo pulling his feet down for extra leverage. There's no way Del Rio could win via submission as strongly as Cena's been booked. Rematch inside HIAC.
Orton tries his best and puts up a heck of a fight, but eventually goes down to the World's Strongest Slam after missing a punt. An RKO wasn't enough to keep Henry down earlier in the match. Rematch inside HIAC.
C.M. Punk's going up against a man who's 10 years older than he is, and hasn't competed in a number of months, so he's able to out-quick and out-technique The Game. HHH misses with a sledgehammer, then eats a Pedigree. Punk finishes him off with a GTS for good measure. The new COO is beyond peeved that this happens, and books them to annihilate each other inside Hell In A Cell. To ensure this happens, she's putting herself in as special referee. This new COO ruthlessly controls WWE beginning at the end of Raw when HHH is officially relieved from his duties. Who's the COO, you ask? His wife, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley.
And that's how I'd do the card if given creative control. I'll be back later to cover how the show actually goes down. Thanks for reading!
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